Finding help for my newfound ADDITIONAL insanity was like finding a whore in church. You know they're probably there, but you have to do some major investigating to smoke 'em out. Fortunately I already had a therapist for my ORIGINAL insanity, otherwise I'd probably be in a corner somewhere listening to and watching Sheen's Korner on the internet while thinking "boy, that Charlie Sheen really makes a lot of sense these days!"
I started searching on the internet for help websites and PPD chat and message board communities. There wasn't much. And when I found something, no one had posted or replied to posts in quite awhile. Then I went to the mothership of PPD websites and did a search for help from "someone near me". I sent an email begging for help and waited. I checked my phone for new emails constantly. I was desperate.
Then I got a response. Some wonderful savior was going to gather info and "get right back to me". The key words are "get right back to me". I waited some more. Two days passed and while I was still looking for local help, I didn't hear anything from this delegated savior. So, I sent her an email saying that I hadn't heard from her, so if she sent me something, she needed to resend it because I never got it.
Can you say DROPPED THE BALL? Or how about GOT THE BIG KISS OFF? I was devastated. These were the people who were supposed to be the pros! I got some half assed email saying she was still pulling the info together and would get back to me soon. It's a good thing I wasn't sitting in front of my computer waiting because I'd still freakin' be there with roots growing out of my ass.
I called the hospital. I called my pediatrician. I called my gyno. I cried, literally, in front of or on the phone with each person I spoke to. My OB/GYN looked at me with such pity. I could see that she was shocked that this person who was laughing constantly during hours of labor was crying pathetically. "Do you have a therapist?" "Yes," I sobbed. "Then I think you should call them."
And that's what I did. I called my therapist Steve and he started helping me fix my brain. It was the first time in 9 years that I called and asked for an emergency appointment - not even through divorce, death and drama did I call. I think he was shocked by the seriousness just by the request for an emergency appointment. Think about what I just said tho..... divorce, death and drama didn't even put me in this horrific place in my brain. This was new territory for us all.
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